You are not your fucking Khakis

Keep your identity small

Hola hola,

Glad to talk to you again! Today, I wanted to talk to you about identity labels and why they might be setting you back.

The Son of Man, 1946 by Rene Magritte

But first, what do I mean by identity labels?

When I was in high school, I had an economics teacher, let’s call her Mrs. Umbridge (HP reference for you Potterheads out there), or should I say “Magister Umbridge”? Well, the thing is that Mrs. Umbridge used to hate being called Miss or Teacher like we used to refer to every other teacher in our school. If you dare refer to her as a teacher, she would stop the class, raise her hand in this position 👌 and say, “Not teacher, not prof, MAGISTER” 🙄. I know; we all have met someone like this. The worst thing? She wasn’t even that great of a teacher. She would come late, forget things, and make mistakes, and if you pointed out the mistakes to the “magister,” half the time, she would try to shift the topic.

Well, this is an example of an identity label and how it can become a negative trait. She was so attached to the “magister in economics” label that it seemed to have become a fundamental part of her identity, up to the point she would feel threatened when that label was put into question directly or indirectly, whether by calling her by any other “less respected” honorific or pointing out her mistakes it would trigger in her a defensive reaction.

No hard feelings for Mrs. Umbridge; after all, she is not alone on this. This happens to many of us to a higher or lesser degree. You see, identity labels are not just qualifications, degrees, or what you do for a living. You could consider yourself a doctor, an engineer, or an entrepreneur, but you could also identify with a particular political party, religion, etc., and call yourself a …[insert label here]. The more labels you carry, and the longer you carry them as part of your identity, the more rigid you become, the more reactive you get, and it gets more challenging to change.

Tyler Durden in Fight Club put it so elegantly when he said: “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis.” You are not the school you graduated from. You are not the books you read. You are not your country of origin, either. You are just you!

So, let’s stop attaching ourselves to mere reductions of who we really are, and let’s start keeping our identity small. This way, we can stay open to new experiences and opinions, feel more secure in our own skin, and feel at peace with our choices 😊.

Note

I’m not advocating to stop using labels altogether. As with many things, they have their time and place. Here, I explored one of the possible dangers. However, there are ways we can use them in a more positive lens for our goals. I’ll explore the positive and pragmatic aspects of labels in a future issue I’m currently writing, and spoiler alert 🫣 It involves Bruce Lee 🐉.

That’s it for me for now. I hope you keep enjoying the rest of your week.

Bless up,

Sebastian

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